Chai anyone?

A while back I had posted some resolutions, most of which I'm doing pretty good with. One in particular was to lush-less - aka cut back on the booze. Overall, I think I've been doing a pretty good job of it. I've gotten more drunk than I wanted on one or two occasions, but not even close to the emotional hot mess of 2010. So yeah, pretty good. I've been proud of myself. I'm more in control. I like myself more. I'm sure others like me more. And it's just been better all around. But still not quite as good as I had hoped.

What does that mean? Time to kick it up a notch. The challenge: give up booze for Lent.

I've found that lately my problem with not being quite as on the ball as I would want has just been that I don't have the inspiration for it. Like I kinda want to and I do OK, but not great because I just don't have that something extra pushing me. Things are better....it's easy to be tempted to settle at that. But I don't want to settle. So it occurred to me, literally sitting on the toilet, "Hey! It's Lent! Why don't I use that?" Lent has always been a good inspiration, solid reason and non-arguable excuse. Once I'm committed to something for Lent, I feel obligated. All things that are great for a task that yeah, for a young person is kinda hard to enforce. So off I go!!! Oh and P.S., my one planned break is after my skydiving - it's going to be a crazy event, it's an important day and I think I'll have earned a beer after that :)

Saturday was my first challenge - a St. Patty's Day party. :: Insert ominous "Ohhhhhhh" :: Tons of boozing, partying, kegs, and general shenanigans. I was going to be expected to be crazy, as I usually am a little. And it's been a rough few weeks so I wanted to make sure I had some damn fun. I was happy to find out that it was actually pretty easy. I brought a travel mug with some Chai tea (and an extra tea bag!) so that I had caffeine and chugged that and water most of the night. I've always been crazy without booze; it's just been a while since I partied that way. It was about time I did again.  No one suspected a thing and if they asked, it was my "mystery drink"  in the container. I had a total blast and really wasn't tempted at all. I also took the opportunity to unload a lot of my booze unto a party household so that they A) wouldn't tempt me and B) would be put to good use. Setting myself up for success! And I awarded myself with some cookies and swedish fish.

 Damn straight you're next.

So yeah, I guess for the next few weeks this is how it'll go. I'm looking forward to the challenge and hoping I can follow through. And if I fall, I just gotta get back up! After that, who knows how I'll re-integrate. Overall, I think it's going to be a very good thing.

A Photo Worthy Update

So one of my resolutions this year was to do something photo-worthy every month. So far, this year has been of to a good start, so I thought I would do a little update! With a few photos of course.

This year I went snowboarding for the first time ever! Actually, first time I did a winter sport ever. My friends and I had purchsed a group-on to Mount Sunapee. For $40 we got all day lift tickets, rentals and a 2hr lesson. None of us had ever snowboarded before, so we decided to go with that. Our instructor was an adorable youte who was super nice and helpful, and thank goodness! That is some tough stuff. We started at the base of the bunny hill, learning simple things like strapping in, how to stand and how to awkwardly hop of the hill (which we were all pretty kickass at). Then we moved up to the base of the magic carpet and started to learn how to do some turns. I was doing fine when we just had to do one way at a time. But then.... then we moved onto the full height of the bunny hill and tried linking turns together. Well, I can go heel in, but digging in my toes has turned out to be nearly impossible. So I can really only go in one direction. After years of squatting and drilling it into my body to put the pressure on my heels, it's just so unnatural to move to your balls at all. Not sure I'm ever going to get the hang of it.

 Snow Bunnies!

That didn't stop me from attempting a trail though! My friends were much smarter and stayed on the hill, getting more comfortable with things. Meanwhile, I decided to plummet, bump and crash my way down in an "appalling" fashion :) Thank goodness I got a helmet!  It was quite intense and I was so sore the next day, but I was glad I did it. Next time I'm definitely going to try to slow down more (I seemed to have amnesia about that concept) and get better at my turns before I get on a run.  It was an awesome day and I was so glad to have gone with such awesome friends!

My next amazing event, that was sooooo photo-worthy I made it online, involved public nudity! But that's going to get it's own post :) So I've had a good January. February is going to be the Passion Plunge with BSOS, where we will run into the ocean in the middle of winter to raise money for the Special Olympics. I'm also supposed to be using another group-in with my Daddy to learn how to and fly and helicopter with East Coast Aero. In April, you all probably know that (assuming I raise the $$$) I will be jumping out of a plane for Operation Freefall! And my friends and I just registered again for this years Warrior Dash. You can read about our adventures last year on my friend's blog!

That just leaves something for March, which is my bday month. Sounds like a good excuse for an adventure to me! Ideas anyone?

Resolutions, resolutions...Part 2.

OK, this will probably be another quickie, and unfortunately it will probably be another bloggy one. In my first post about my resolutions, I covered some good basics, but I forgot one and got some good feedback that I wanted to steal. Oh and I have a sub-part that I want to add.  So here it is, Part Deux.

2a. More Cooking for Good Looking! I think that this was probably implied, but in my attempts to do more cooking, I'd like to improve my usage of my CSA/Boston Organics. My first couple rounds didn't go so well. I didn't realize how fast these organic foods can go bad. So I'd like to bring my usage up to about 90% ideally. Better use of my $$$ and better for my body. Yes, even if that just means lots of soup!

6. Stolen from my friend Brad, Do at least one photoworthy thing per month. I was thinking that I wanted to try one new physical/sports thing a month but that's a pretty tough commitment to make. This idea works amazingly! Those events would be totally photoworthy, and I can definitely come up with enough other ones to fill in the other months! For example, this month I'm going skiing for the first time and next month I should be helicopter flying with my Dad and I think in April I will sky dive! All those work perfect!

7. Ok, here comes the bloggy...Stop being "that girl." I don't mean to be. I really really don't! But it's hard to not talk about your mother-friggin ex when he's been shoved into your face again out of nowhere. I've got no feelings for the kid and really just want nothing to do with him, but I can't have that and so he ends up popping out of my mouth way more than I want. Maybe no one notices and it's just something that I hate, but I hate it. Ugh. Blech. Gross. So yeah, I would like to put the kabosh on all utterances of him (after this post I guess, hahaha). Never was worth my time and certainly isn't now.  Unless it's something funny. Then I think I'm allowed :)

Ugh, so no need to advertise!

Alrighty then. I think that hopefully covers it. I've probably spread myself way thin and won't be able to keep on top of all this, but we'll see how it goes. Maybe i'll post myself a list at home so I think about them all. Keep your fingers crossed for me. 2011 started pretty kickass and I want it to keep going that way!

Rawr!

So this weekend was the makeover weekend!!! Finally! I was so so sooooooo in need of it in so many ways. So I knew I was getting the tat in RI so I got some local recommendations from a coworkers in our Providence office about where to get my hair and nails did.



First thing was the hair. I'm incredibly inspired by everything about my female punk idol Brody Dalle (Rancid's lead Tim Armstrong's ex-wife), inlcuding her hair. Unfortunately, I dont have raw, overprocessed punk-rock shit hair, so any haircut ends up with KK=Neve Campbell. Not that this is awful or anything, just not really my personality either.

NOT Brody Dalle.

So after some super lucky last minute cancelations I ended up at Christiaan Salon to get my hair done. The stylist totally understood what I was going for, which was such a relief. Plus she was quite pierced herself, so I knew she wasn't going to pull like a madwoman on mine (and she didn't!). For once in my life, I also was able to DONATE my hair, yes, MY hair, to locks for love. So that was extra-awesome too. I thought I *might* be able to, so it was fun finding out that I could. And finally, after a little research I found out that the Goldwell Spruhwaechs (Spray-Wax) recommended to me was animal friendly (aka on PETA's "does not test on animals" list). So I didn't even have to do any crazy shopping.

So this is after two days. The color is awful - I tried henna-ing, but I dont think I put enough product in my mix, so it didn't take well. I'll wait a while and then figure out what to do next.... I need a single color. Maintainence has been really easy so far. The spray wax totally gives it the texture that keeps me more towards Brody and less like Neve. I really LOVE the cut.

Next was the nails. After doing some shopping and getting a really cute wrap dress at Second Time Around, I ended up going to the suggested Studio 1 Nails. That was meh honestly.  They did a mediocre job for $25. I would have rather stayed at the original place where I got my hair done and paid $10 more and had a more relaxing service. That's OK though. You live and learn. I'm missing nails of paint already hahahaha.

Next was tattooo time. I finally got myself some tea so I would be alert. I wanted to remember this. Then I headed over the ArtFreek on Wickenden St. The place had actually been recommended to me buy the finance guy that sold me my car hahaha. But I totally trusted him and it was worthwhile. My artist wasn't quite what I expected. Usually they're a little more talkative and open and friendly. He was really quite....disturbingly quiet even. Kinda reminded me of this guy (prison break, 24, xfiles, etc), but bald and glasses:

He was fun and fine and all, but not what I expected. The other artists there were much more what I imagined. Anyways, he totally worked with me, let me reposition it over and over (big surprise there) and this is what I ended up with:

So all in all, I'm pretty happy about it.  There are a few little things in retrospect (not going to point them out lol) that I would change if I could. But that was part of the point of starting with something simple and plain and so straighforward - there really wasn't a way this could come out that I would hate it. So it's good :) I'm so glad I started with this. I feel so much more prepared and informed and like I know what to expect in the future. It's WAY less intimidating and I know what things to think about that I woudln't have otherwise thoughts about. So good learning experience definitely. Oh and if anyone doubted this would happen, yes, I am totally and utterly freaking hooked. I loved it. Completely freaking loved it. Can't wait for the next one. I was hoping that the summer/sun thing would hold me off until the fall, but now I'm not so sure.

Anyways, that's it! That would be the makeover weekend. And I'm feeling good! Must say I'm strutting my stuff a little lately and getting random compliments left and right. Feels like the sex kitten is on the prowl :)

Shhh!! Don't tell Mom+Dad!!!!

Well after years and years of debating, I think I'm closer than ever to considering taking the plunge and getting my first tattoo. If you know me, you know my list of piercings is pretty damn long (don't understand how I don't set off metal detectors), but I've yet to po my tattoo-cherry. Why you may ask? Well really it's the whole permanent thing. Yeah my piercings are going to leave random scars and weird holes in all likelihood, but I can also probably put small discreet simple jewelry in them too if I want. I also responded really well to tea-tree oil when I was developing a keloid on my industrial when I first got it, so I'm hopeful about that. Anyways, that's at least a decade away until I have to worry about that.

But as for now, yeah, it's all the stereotypical reasons that people don't get tats. Worried about work, changing you mind, tackiness, sagging, kids, wedding, parents, life, special occasions, etc etc etc. So it's something that I've be torn over for years. There's one that has always ALWAYS resonated with me, and that's just an old school pair of swallows on your chest. The symbolism and imagery has always done it for me, and not to mention I think when done right, they're just gorgeous (yes, even in a wedding dress - although my gramps would will me). But again PERMANENT = SCAREY. And your chest is pretty out there. Granted it's really more your brestbone than your boobs so you won't really have much sagging.... can you hear me talking myself into this?

More than I would want, but you get the idea.

So what's this post about then? Well I'm considering stronly doing a quote of sorts somewhere. They can be kind of cheesey, but I'm finding some that I really like the jist of. This whole idea of accepting that I can't control the future has been really important/empowering/influential on my lately and something I've tried to enforce in my life (unsucessfully) many times before - so it's not like it's coming out of nowhere. Now where to put it is the questions. I really like Rachel Evan Woods' back tattoo, but I want to keep my back clean for now (just in case......), and I also think you need to be kinda of waif-ish for this look - which if you know me, you know I have no interest in. Elbows down is a no. Nothing in the crotch area (a place where many girls are throwing their swallows nowadays). So it's kinda weird.... but I kinda like these foot tattoos. The just go around the edge and if you have flats on it looks really cute and you can obviously cover it at times. And if I decide I hate it, it's only on my foot. So something like this...

Or with the option of maybe going up and around the leg a bit? Maybe adding some shapes?

This would of course all depend on what quote I ended up choosing and how it fit, yadda yadda yadda. So I guess that was the meat. Now the potatoes? Here are some of the ones that are standing out for me. Highlighted quotes or portions (is that silly?) are front runners. Others are just included to get the jist of what I'm looking for.  

• I know not what the future holds, but I know who holds the future..
• The only thing we know about the future is that it will be different.
• The best way to predict the future is to create it.
• The future is called "perhaps," which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the only important thing is not to allow that to scare you.
• Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain. 
• A door opens to me. I go in and am faced with a hundred closed doors.
• In time I will fade away/In time I won't care what you say/In time, but time takes time you know (ben folds)
• but it's your life/and you can decorate it as you like/beneath the paint and armour in your eyes the truth still shines/jane be jane (ben folds)
• maybe something from it means everything by Save Ferris - that whole song justs pumps me up.
• You need to remember, you need time to forget/We need the time to change our minds/And separate the present from tomorrow/Disguised as yesterday (h20)
• And no one said it was gonna be easy, but I'm not afraid to try/ With the odds stacked up against me I will have to fight/ One life One Chance Gotta do it Right. (h20 - i see this as maybe a future rib?)
• maybe this weight was a gift/Like I had to see what I could lift (nada surf)
• 
  
  durrrr... what about "Here I Am, Still Intact" hahahahahaha.  That might be the winner. 

So now I'M EXPECTIN MAJOR FEEDBACK AND IDEAS!!!!! Anything! More quotes, placement ideas, font styles, possible shapes/images to add, "those ideas suck katie", that'll be fun, "you're feet are way too ugly", weird...  whatever you think. I needs me some help. I was given a specific recommendation of ArtFreek in Providence from a guy I trust pretty well, but I'm open to otther suggestion as well. Also less worried for writing than something like the swallows I'm sure will follow....Lordy my parents are going to flip LOL. The lip ring was bad enough, but really.... they HAVE to know it's coming eventually. So yeah, FEEDBACK BITCHES!!! :)

Just went from a 9 to a 12!

Woot woot!!!!  First serious lifting scar tonight baby! This is gonna be a goodun. Holy smokes.  So here's the story. And pics of course. Normal workout, just doing some circuits.  First circuit was some lateral squats, step-up and overs, med ball slams and box jumps.  Now I think EVERYONE hates box jumps and now I have a pretty damn good reason. I'm actually ok at them and have been getting better, but I certainly don't enjoy them.  Well tonight I was on round 2 of my circuit and guess who missed her jump???

This girl did!!!

Yup, I totally freaking just missed it and ripped my shin open on the box. Excellent.  This is what happens when swimmers try to do things on land that require coordination. So of course I do this when the pair of guys I really enjoy watching lift (because they're intense, usually doing some impressive oly lifts in circuits with actually good form, push each other hard- they kinda really inspire/motivate me a decent amount honestly) are standing right next to me. They're chatting up one of the trainers when I walk over and say "Sorry to interrupt, but I think this is worth it. Where do I get a bandaid?"  They all look down at my leg and jaws drop as they see the giant gash in my leg starting to pour blood.

So the nice trainer took me upstairs, took out the first aid kit, we cleaned me up, bandaided and taped the crap outta my shin. And then, this part is my fav, I'm actually stupid enough to go back and finish my workout!!!  HA. So I walk back down and the guys are still there, still doing their thing. We chat it up a bit. They ask me if I'm patched up OK and I tell 'em I'm hanging in there.  They're clearly impressed at my badassness as I joke around with my leg pretty much still gushing through the medical tape. Then the extra fun one of the two tells me "You're awesome.  You just went from like a 9 to a 12 in my book!" 1) I'm laughing having a good time. 2) He just called me a 12!!!! 3) My workouts were impressive enough that he's taken notice of me before and mentally labeled me a 9?!?!?! 4) Crap, my leg is still gushing.

Something tells me this will never be me, besides the obvious facts of being white and a woman.

So I guess this is how I'm supposed to impress men? Is that the moral of the story? What do I need to do to get me a husband? Oi. So I went to CVS, got some gauze and tape, went home, showered, sang myself a song about how much showering was gonna hurt, cleaned it up and called my Dad to figure out if I needed stitches lol. So for now, I'm sitting my ass in bed with some elevation and compression and hoping this bleeding stops soon enough that my dad doesn't guilt me into a trip to the doc.  Sucessful night if I do say so myself.

My first good gym scar and a pretty ridic story to go with it. I just straight up missed the box jump.  Good job Katie. Grace and balance always were my talents.

The Year in Review Post

Oh so stereotypical, but I figured it was time to do a year in review and maybe some resolutions.  It's been an interesting year for me... lots of ups and downs to be honest, but I guess who doesn't have those?

Year started kinda bumpy (ok... maybe first 6 months? lol). Relationship going very much downhill- same shit, different day (different year even....geeze). Something different in 2009 though. I finally grew the balls to draw the line and honestly, that's something I'm really proud of myself for. ::pat myself on the back there:: Kicked him out. Started taking much better care of myself.  Got a roommate. Sorted my life out.

OK, well maybe I'm still working on that "sort life out" but again, who isn't? And again, patting myself on the back, I've been doing a damn good job of it. I've made some great new friends, feeling a lot better at work, got my butt back in shape, started reading more, keeping in better touch with old friends, started volunteering, going back to church more, have overhauled my eating habits, had 4 (5?) adoptions this year and am just so much more relaxed nowadays.  Really, got a lot of my to-do list accomplished and that's pretty awesome. So I'm still majorly addicted to trashy VH1... not such a crime in the long run, right?

 With studs like Real and Chance, how do I say no?

So I guess that brings me to 2010, right?  Well I think for now I've still got a pretty damn good running list to work on. I really would like to get more green, but that's still a bit overwhelming to me. Really excited to keep on the path I'm at right now nutrition/exercise-wise and finally get to some more serious strength training (pull-ups.... pulllllllupppppppssss). On a lighter note, definitely excited to do some cheesey dating things with my single gals (speed dating anyone? lol), cause some things you really just have to do for the story. Oh and maybe I'll get my little snots to like me this year. That would be good too :)

So insanely in love with each other.... Stop spooning and love me!!!

So I guess that's about it for now....aka VH1 is calling my name. Goodbye 2009 and hello 2010. Like the blog says- here I am, still intact.

Merry Meathead Christmas

Otherwise known as my surviving the holiday feasts post (filled with lots of goody links so click away). OK so I'm a bit late on this one as much of the season of eating has come to an end, but most of this stuff can really be applied any time of the year. It's quite easey at this time of the year to justify eating all sorts of crap - grandma's pecan pie, uncle joe's stuffing.... or if you're me, a few packages of Pillsbury crescent rolls.

Yes, these most definitely will be served at my wedding - from the doughboy himself.

Unfortuntely, this kind of stuff really adds up fast and is easy to snowball (ha ha ha winter pun intended). First thing is to remember that this is NOT the one and only time you're going to be able to enjoy this stuff. You don't have to eat like the world is ending or Pillsbury is going out of business.  It may be cheesey, but this time of the year really is supposed to be about friends and family and enjoying time together. food is fun, but it's a lot easier to chat it up with that cute guy when you're not shoveling food down your throat.

And those foods that you do decide to indulge in, remember there are bad, good and better choices and it's ALWAYS a good idea to have a snack BEFORE whatever ugly sweater party you're going to if you wanna fit in that naughty santa costume later. Going to a party hungry is no different than grocery shopping when you're hungry - a very very very bad idea. And when you do find your plate full of wonderful, delights, remember to eat slowly and really enjoy what you're tasting (again, much easier to do when you're not hungry!). My favorite trick is always to bring a healthy "safe" snack myself that I know I can dig into guilt-free. Double win there - you look considerate and like a good guest while you're really taking care of yourself.

If you're like me, I find it much easier to enjoy myself when I know I've earned it and will be putting that food to good work. with a solid pre-party workout, a post party (usually the next morning) workout or even better, BOTH. One bit issue (aka excuse) with this is travel and being away from home during the holidays. With a little research, even people like me who live in the middle of nowhere CAN find a gym to go to. And even if you can't find a gym, most people can find a staircase and some empty space. Most important thing is to get that workout in, even if it means strapping a car to your back and getting strange looks from the neighbors. And if you're lucky enough to have a prowler and the space, you can always make pretty christmas patterns in the snow.

So not really the most personal post in the world, but definitely some good strategies, good workout ideas and nutrition ideas to keep you going and stop you from turning into one of the Bobs of the world. And really, it's not what you eat between Christmas and New Years, it's what you eat between New Years and Christmas that counts :) So don't be afraid to indulge a little. But remember that challenge.....

"What do you say, Bob? Monday, Christmas morning, 6am, my house. The ball's in your court."

Progress Pics

First round of progress pics are up, and I'm doing great if I do say so myself :)

Musical Motivation

As much as I love hitting the iron, some days I just don't feel like it. Really who doesn't? So what does one do in this situation?  What helps me the most is having a mental image that really fires me up. Might be something positive like the future fit you, or it might be something that gets you angry- like an ex or the office bitch or if you're me, your f*ing pig of a sexual harasser.  Usually I like to save these extra-motivating images for the really tough moments (like the last few reps of a set of the evil bulgarian splits squats). So for the remaining 98% of the time, it's usually just some good tunes for me.

"So Katie, what kind of tunes pump you up?" you ask.  Well, here is a random sample of some of my gym favorites - motivating, fun, and embarrassing - and some hopefully entertaining explainations of why.

Lunchlady Land - Adam Sandler "Sloppy joes....sloppy sloppy joes." This is usually when I get stared at for chuckling to myself for no apparent reason.

Punk Rock Academy - Atom and His Package You just need to hear it.

Brass Monkey - Beastie Boys  No 'splanation needed.  But I will say, this always makes me think of the boys at our middle school dances.

Bitches Ain't Shit - As covered by Ben Folds I can't think of a more perfect song to be covered by a man and a piano.

Mortal Kombat - Techno Remix "Test your might..... Test your might." Probably my most embarrassing but also probably the most motivating.  How can you not try to push yourself that extra bit when you have Kano and Johnny Cage by your side?

What Would Jay-Z Do? - Ben Lee Because the lyrics are just amazing and the tune is just so damn catchy.

Gimme More - Britney Spears I can't help but think of Billy Tank Guns when I hear this one.  Again, people staring as I chuckle at myself.

Machinehead - Bush This is one of those motivational ones. It was used at most every championship meet I swam at, and a few times it was the song I got to walk to the blocks to. Just one that really gets me in the zone.  I know, I know, kind of cheesey nostalgia, but it just reminds me of how empowered I felt walking up there, KNOWING that I was pretty good at this and I was going to do well and kick some ass. I don't miss 5AM practices, but I do miss that feeling.

You Gotta Be - Des'ree This one is the girl in me coming out. Again, really the lyrics on this one are honestly kind of touching? Wow, i'm such a sap.

Change - The Lightning Seeds This is an obscure one, but from one of my favorite movies of all time - Clueless- which I think it's just the most perfect representation of the 90's ever... but anyways, the cheeseball lyrics (specifically "Don't ever chaaaaange") of this one just make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and I get that mental dialogue going where I'm telling myself "You're great! You're wonderful! Don't ever change!!!!"  Yes, embarrassing, girly, but true. This usually gets the speed up another 0.3 mph for me. (hey, i'm a swimmer, remember????).

Popular - Nada Surf  Just a classic that I actually didn't know when it was popular (hahaha pun intended). I got into them through some list of "If you like Ben Folds, you'll like...." and then discovered the song several years after it was cool.

Fuckin' In the Bushes - Oasis Besides Brad Pitt making it incredibly famous with this scene from Snatch, this song just f*ing rocks.  Cause kids are running around naked fucking in the bushes and that makes me want to move some serious weight.

Peaches - The President of the USA Millions of them. 'Nough said.

Wannabe - Spice Girls No, I'm not joking.   I'm finally comfortable enough with my masculinity to enjoy hot pink, Dawson's Creek and the Spice Girls.

I Wish - Skee Lo LOVE LOVE LOVE this 90's classic. Brings back memories of sneaking into my grandparent's basement to watch MTV. Who doesn't want a rabbit in a hat and a bat and 64 impala? And recently I just found this kinda wonderful remake:

The Sunscreen Song - Baz Luhrman OK OK, it was so overplayed and I hated it at the time... but again, the lyrics.... kinda poignant if you really listen.  Another tear-jerker moment for me on the treadmill. ::sniff sniff::

So that's my embarrassing list, or part of it. Hopefully you got a chuckle out of it or maybe some ideas for your next playlist. And I'm counting on seeing some ridiculous songs of your own. Don't let me down :)

teeeeheeeeee. some motivation :)

Woah dude has it been a crazy two weeks.  WTF. I had thanksgiving food stress, got sexually harassed (yes, literally), found out my ex's father is having brain surgery, actually spoke with the ex for the first time in weeks, and am going to a party where both the ex and harasser might be there.  FML. I have a million reasons to be stressed right now. And one big one not to.

A CRUSH!!!

A crush, a crush, a wonderful crush.  It's amazing how much relief one of those can bring to life.  Is anything realistically going to happen? Nah - doubtfully.  But a girl can daydream, no? And reviving an oldie, well that's the bestest.

I suddenly have a newfound sense of motivation but there are a TON of temptations in the weeks to come.  I'm thinking I might go on what some friends and I call a "no-booze-cruise" for a bit.  It's really just so bad for you when you're trying to lose weight, and I'm seeing at least 6 or 7 opportunities for heavy boozing in the next few weeks. I do have some good excuses not to, so I think I might cash in on those. 

I'm ready to make some more damn progress motherfucker!! So you better watch out :)

Let's Get Real: A look in the Mirror

For year and years there's one body part I've always hated: my stomach. It's the one body part I've always judged myself on, based my progress off of and has had the biggest ability to affect my happiness. It's what i'm most self-conscious about and always trying to hide.

Lately, it's come to my attention that I'm a moron. As much as I might be self-conscious of my tummy, it really isn't where I hold/gain most of my weight. It's actually a really poor indicator of progress, and even though it doesn't look good persay, it really isn't my "trouble spot." Still, it's admittedly hard to not focus on it when I look in the dreaded mirror.

But like I said, I am a moron. Just looking at a handful of pictures, it's adundently clear that my weight goes to primarily to my thighs (then the lower back, ass and finally to my arms). So why the hell look at something like my stomach to judge progress??? I know in part I'm definitely trained by the media/society/etc etc to be looking for those abs. But I also know that's not a good indicator for me. Maybe in the future, but certainly not now.

Not a really exciting post, but I hope it maybe gives you a reason to re-evaluate what you're looking at. I know for me, between the media and my distorted body image, it's been really difficult to realistically look at myself and my progress, and appreciate what I have. I know for me, pictures are the clearest indicator of this and the best way to keep myself in check. I can't recommend them enough. So get snapping and take a real good look at yourself.

The Whys

I've been feeling a bit unmotivated lately and was really starting to loose my "umph" for this. I hate dieting- I really do. Maintainence I can deal with, but actually cutting, ugh. And I know I haven't been perfect lately (the past 2.5 weeks have included 2 nights of binge drinking and a day of pizza devouring) and I'm doing a "light" version of my usual diet strategy with a little more wiggle room, but I was getting frustrated with the lack of progress anyways. Well I finally got back out of the 160's for the first time in at least two or three months. Thank freaking god. Hopefully that lasts. We'll see.

But more importantly, it made me want to finally get my list of Whys. It's really so important to know why you're doing something, espeically when things get tough. So here they are- The Whys. The selfish, the vain, the health, the family, the fashion, the energy... all those reasons and more:

• I don't like the way I look and similarly,
• I loved looking like an athlete.
• I want to fit back into my clothes (and really dont want to have to buy new ones!).
• I want that confidence back.
• I miss being able to shop so easily (minus the fact that my hamstrings and arms/back dont fit into stuff lol).
• I hate feeling out of shape.
• I want to be able to enjoy active activities.
• I want to be confident and comfortable to do anything anytime, like random skinny dipping!
• I miss enjoying the beach.
• Pullups. Nough said.
• I'm sick of being "that girl" eternally dieting/yo-yoing.
• I really love the idea of clean eating and do enjoy it.
• Kind of into the future, but I want to be a good example for my daughter, if I should have one. I'm terrified of the idea of my child growing up feeling the way I did at times, and I don't want to be anything but a positive influence and role model. That one really has been resonating with me lately.
• I don't want any reservations dating, and....
• I certainly dont want any reservations sexually because of my body.
• I want to just be able to throw simple things on without worrying- like tank tops and jeans
• I want to look like I know all that I know.
• I cant lie- I want to be looked at again. It's nice being checked out.
• I want to get all this under control now while I have freedom and flexibility and my youth and fewer commitments.
• I want to give away my fat clothes for real this time so I can finally have some room in my closet!
• Cellulite. When the fuck did that come back on my legs? So not cool.
• I worry a bit about my health. I'm not huge, but I'm a bit unhealthily overweight at this point if I'm realistic.
• Oh and that ever so poingnant inspiration.... revenge hottness. I want that man to ache when he sees me.

Now I just have to remember to really keep this stuff in mind during those tough moments! I'm thinking some sort of morning ritual or something crazy like that or some motivational quote to focus on when I need it. We'll see :) But I really just have to keep focused.

Ideally, I'd love to plan a trip for February or March for some south american voluntourism. and I want to feel damn confident there and have no freaking qualms about hitting the beach and taking tons of pics! That gives me about 12-16 weeks, and that's during the holidays, to lose about 20-30 more pounds. Not an easy task by any means. I really need to get on this. Really.

Veggies galore, here I come. Ready to attack.

Just what I needed

A merry christmas it was tonight. It's been a while since I've done the diet thing, and I was honestly a little apprehensive about going out tonight. Knowing I was going to want to drink. Knowing I was going to be questioned. Knowing there were going to be some awkward moments. Knowing I was going to be mocked a bit. Knowing I was going to have moments of self-doubt. Knowing I wasn't going to have quite as much fun as I could. But knowing it was the right choice for me.

What I didn't know was that I was actually going to be reminded of how totally doable this can be, and better yet, get a nice little kick in the ass.

It was fine!!! And I had fun. I forgot how it really can be OK to go out with friends and NOT drink even if they are. And it's not always worth it. Yeah, a few beers would have been really relaxing and I would have been a bit looser and all that good stuff, but I wouldn't feel as good about my choices tomorrow morning as I will instead. The marginal benefits of a beer or two certainly would not have outweighed all of the cons. SO...No beers. No shitty apps. And I was able to go home, relax, do a little workout and I know I'll feel great in the morning and that I'm one small step closer to my goals, both mentally and physically.

It's not just about loosing. It's easy to have a short term excuse (i.e. I'm on a diet) to fall back on when making these choices. But what about maintainence? Or what about when I'm trying to put on muscle withouth packing on the pounds? I'm going to be faced with these choices all the time, and a big and very important goal of mine is to be able to SAY NO to those things that control me and still be able to have fun. So in the long term, I really need to gain this skill of balance, self control and making the better choice sometime, even if it isn't the most fun. Don't give up what you want most for what you want now, right?

Now for the kick in the ass. I know I should have more compassion... BUTTTTT, when you're sitting there drinking the booze and eating the shitty apps, which are probably even worse for you than the beers, you just can't lecture me about how my diet coke is bad for me while trying to lose weight. A) Forest through the trees anyone? B) I've researched the crappy studies, which are totally inconclusive imo. C) Do you really think the news reports accurately on nutritional studies anyways?


I know the hype is enticing and it feels good to spread the word about what your crappy overpriced trainer told you, but nooooo. Just no. You're really not helping yourself by focusing on stuff like that. So go and stress about avoiding your diet coke and consume lord knows what instead. I'm going to enjoy mine and savor the motivational kick in the ass you just gave me to not be another Bob.

Overall, a good night. Next step, not feeling guilty over a little planned fun tomorrow. That's going to be the real test. Balance.

it's been.... 36 hrs?!?!?!

A day and a half into the diet and I'm already tempted to throw myself my regular pity-party. Man, I forgot how stinky this can be. So time for a little inspirational/motivational kick in my proverbial balls, a la mr. shugart.

Monday, Christmas morning, 6am, my house.

I forget sometimes that I just need to suck it up. Where I am isn't where I want to be. And change isn't easy or fun. I'm sick of having all this knowledge and not having the control to put it into use. I'm sick of being embarrassed to talk about training because of the extra bulge. I'm sick of being sick of this. I'm sick of yo-yoing. I'm sick of not liking myself and how it effects me. I'm sick of the self-doubt. I'm sick of feeling weak or guilty. I'm sick of the binging. I'm sick of the backtracking. I'm sick of having to slim down for summer- I want to be able to streak or skinny dip or put on some lingerie at the drop of a hat without second guessing how i'm going to look damnit. I'm sick of the wasted money. I'm sick of the wild cravings. I'm sick of the carb comas. I'm sick of feeling torn. I'm sick of knowing I can be so much better.


So merry fucking christmas to me. Time to suck it up princess. If I want it, I can have it. I just have to choose it.