Thursday, October 29, 2009

it's been.... 36 hrs?!?!?!

A day and a half into the diet and I'm already tempted to throw myself my regular pity-party. Man, I forgot how stinky this can be. So time for a little inspirational/motivational kick in my proverbial balls, a la mr. shugart.

Monday, Christmas morning, 6am, my house.

I forget sometimes that I just need to suck it up. Where I am isn't where I want to be. And change isn't easy or fun. I'm sick of having all this knowledge and not having the control to put it into use. I'm sick of being embarrassed to talk about training because of the extra bulge. I'm sick of being sick of this. I'm sick of yo-yoing. I'm sick of not liking myself and how it effects me. I'm sick of the self-doubt. I'm sick of feeling weak or guilty. I'm sick of the binging. I'm sick of the backtracking. I'm sick of having to slim down for summer- I want to be able to streak or skinny dip or put on some lingerie at the drop of a hat without second guessing how i'm going to look damnit. I'm sick of the wasted money. I'm sick of the wild cravings. I'm sick of the carb comas. I'm sick of feeling torn. I'm sick of knowing I can be so much better.


So merry fucking christmas to me. Time to suck it up princess. If I want it, I can have it. I just have to choose it.

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