The Whys

I've been feeling a bit unmotivated lately and was really starting to loose my "umph" for this. I hate dieting- I really do. Maintainence I can deal with, but actually cutting, ugh. And I know I haven't been perfect lately (the past 2.5 weeks have included 2 nights of binge drinking and a day of pizza devouring) and I'm doing a "light" version of my usual diet strategy with a little more wiggle room, but I was getting frustrated with the lack of progress anyways. Well I finally got back out of the 160's for the first time in at least two or three months. Thank freaking god. Hopefully that lasts. We'll see.

But more importantly, it made me want to finally get my list of Whys. It's really so important to know why you're doing something, espeically when things get tough. So here they are- The Whys. The selfish, the vain, the health, the family, the fashion, the energy... all those reasons and more:

• I don't like the way I look and similarly,
• I loved looking like an athlete.
• I want to fit back into my clothes (and really dont want to have to buy new ones!).
• I want that confidence back.
• I miss being able to shop so easily (minus the fact that my hamstrings and arms/back dont fit into stuff lol).
• I hate feeling out of shape.
• I want to be able to enjoy active activities.
• I want to be confident and comfortable to do anything anytime, like random skinny dipping!
• I miss enjoying the beach.
• Pullups. Nough said.
• I'm sick of being "that girl" eternally dieting/yo-yoing.
• I really love the idea of clean eating and do enjoy it.
• Kind of into the future, but I want to be a good example for my daughter, if I should have one. I'm terrified of the idea of my child growing up feeling the way I did at times, and I don't want to be anything but a positive influence and role model. That one really has been resonating with me lately.
• I don't want any reservations dating, and....
• I certainly dont want any reservations sexually because of my body.
• I want to just be able to throw simple things on without worrying- like tank tops and jeans
• I want to look like I know all that I know.
• I cant lie- I want to be looked at again. It's nice being checked out.
• I want to get all this under control now while I have freedom and flexibility and my youth and fewer commitments.
• I want to give away my fat clothes for real this time so I can finally have some room in my closet!
• Cellulite. When the fuck did that come back on my legs? So not cool.
• I worry a bit about my health. I'm not huge, but I'm a bit unhealthily overweight at this point if I'm realistic.
• Oh and that ever so poingnant inspiration.... revenge hottness. I want that man to ache when he sees me.

Now I just have to remember to really keep this stuff in mind during those tough moments! I'm thinking some sort of morning ritual or something crazy like that or some motivational quote to focus on when I need it. We'll see :) But I really just have to keep focused.

Ideally, I'd love to plan a trip for February or March for some south american voluntourism. and I want to feel damn confident there and have no freaking qualms about hitting the beach and taking tons of pics! That gives me about 12-16 weeks, and that's during the holidays, to lose about 20-30 more pounds. Not an easy task by any means. I really need to get on this. Really.

Veggies galore, here I come. Ready to attack.